Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom, the Hard Way
I updated a post from 2016, in the hopes that everyone would know my “story” a little bit better. These days (in 2024) I blog about curating a career as an artist. The journey to becoming a stay-at-home mom is still an important part of who I am. Being home for the last two and a half decades gave me the time, inspiration, and fulfillment that allows me to enjoy the abundant life I have 27 years later as a blogger, wife, and proud mother of 5 amazing children. If you decide to be at home with your kids today, you’ll most likely have plenty of time to pursue your other interests later.
baking with the girls in 2021
The Career Woman
As a young married woman, I wanted to be successful. Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom was not part of the program. Success meant earning a degree, starting a career (rather than merely getting a job), and then possibly having two, or maybe three children.
Our plan was for me to graduate from college, and teach one year before having children. We had everything planned to a tee. But, things did not go as planned. I had preeclampsia when I was 7 months pregnant, and had to be induced. Our daughter was born early and flown to MUSC by helicopter. At that point, I realized that I wasn’t in control. My husband and I accepted Jesus when our daughter, Augusta, was six months old. Our whole world changed.
My husband and our premie daughter, Augusta
By the time Augusta was 8 months old, the new school year had begun. Staying at school until 5:30 pm to create the perfect bulletin board lost its luster. The only job I ever really loved paled in comparison to moments spent with my beautiful baby.
All of the things I thought I wanted had changed. I still liked teaching, and we needed my check to pay for all the bills we had, but I longed to be home with our child.
My husband was worried about me coming home, and rightly so. I explained to him that all the books claimed that it only took six months for a two-income household to adjust to one income. Surely a large portion of my paycheck went toward childcare, clothing, and other expenses that we could eliminate, right? WRONG.
Our situation was complicated because we had a house, a $300 car payment, student loans, and an unimproved lot on a golf course- purchased for our future dream home. Plus, we were too stupid to sell that stuff before I came home. We wanted our cake, and to eat it too.
My assistant was a Godly woman. She was the type of person who would stand in the rain while holding her umbrella over a child’s head, to prevent him or her from getting wet. I was the person who didn’t want one drop of water on me, lest I melt. She said that God would make a way where there was no way, and I believed her. I wanted to be home with my baby so badly.
The baby I came home for, when she graduated from high school in 2013
I finished the school year and took a part-time job at a daycare center. Naturally, I read a book that suggested this course of action. it was titled: The Part-Time Solution: The New Strategy For Managing Your Career While Managing Motherhood, by Charlene Canape. It wasn’t a solution for me though. The director pressured me to work more hours, and I didn’t like my job.
To make things worse, my new job sent me to a conference in Dulles, Washington, for a week. I missed my child terribly and felt that I had nothing to live for and nothing to look forward to. I called my husband crying, and he agreed that I should come home for good.
Going For Broke-Literally
My last day of work was Valentine’s Day 1997. Two weeks later I found out that I was pregnant. We slowly (way too slowly) sold our car, and our lot on the golf course. My husband stopped playing golf, and we stopped taking family vacations and eating out. Each step towards letting go of our worldly desires was painful. Things looked bad, we fought a lot and had doubts about the decision to bring me home. There seemed to be no respite from the financial strain we were under. However, every time we got in a bad pinch, God rescued us.
For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7 NASB
We worked many part-time jobs to pay our bills. I tried to do things that were itinerant, with a defined beginning and end, so that I could one day be home permanently.
We worked for a caterer together before our third child was born. My husband was much better in the commercial kitchen than I was. I taught migrant children for several summers, tutored at Huntington Learning Center, became a camp counselor on Parris Island one summer, and babysat a neighbor’s little girl for two years.
I even worked in Walmart layaway one Christmas season. My son was two months old, and I was still nursing. I spent my breaks pumping milk in the bathroom. Whenever I would see a fellow teacher approaching our department, I would run upstairs and pretend that I was looking for a layaway package. I wanted to hide, because I was embarrassed. Most people did not understand our vision, or the sacrifice required.
Along the way my husband was lucky to get an extra job in his career field on Saturday and Sunday mornings. He still has that same job, and it is a great blessing to us all. He has worked long and given up many things to keep me at home. I know that our children will look back on this with appreciation as they get older.
on a field trip to Bee City in 2018 with our daughters
Going Broke Again
After 10 years of scratching, we were finally able to add on to our house. By that time we had four children in an 1,100 square foot home, with only one bathroom. Thanks to my father-in-law and his carpentry skills, we added a fireplace, a master bedroom, and another living area. Things were looking up, but unfortunately, not for long.
Right after we received our certificate of occupancy, home values fell. The recession that began in 2008 took its toll. Our home appraised for less than before we added 500 square feet.
As a result, we couldn’t put the addition debt into our mortgage. We spent the next four years paying off the debt, “eating beans and taters,” as my mom’s family would say. We had to miss the weddings of several out-of-state cousins during this time, but we just couldn’t bear any more expenses.
Since 2013 things have been good, and we are grateful. For me, one of the hardest things about being poor was the shabbiness of our things, and I don’t mean shabby-chic. Ripped upholstery, old, dirty, rugs, and tired bedding did not make this home-loving girl very happy!
However, when I look back on those extremely hard, first ten years, I mostly remember all the fun we had. I had a neighbor that home-schooled her children too. We had parties for all
of the holidays, even President’s Day.
As fellow homemakers, we improved our sewing, cooking, and Bible knowledge together. We also had a beach day one day a week in the summer. I don’t think I have ever been so happy as when watching my children frolic in the tide-pools and in the sand. They were never allowed to go in past their knees, so I can’t write about them frolicking in the waves.
I wouldn’t trade one hour of one of those days with my older children for a million dollars. I have been lucky enough to get another time around with my younger children, so I am twice blessed.
My husband, me, and our daughter, Augusta. This picture was taken at the school where I taught.
The Lord Worked Everything Out
Today we have five children, ranging in age from 15 to 29. We have one child left at home, two grown, and two in college. Now I can rest in my role as an artist and stay-at-home mom. We can pay our bills, the Lord willing. We were able to sell our little cottage in 2021 and build a brand-new house. We don’t live too lavish though. Our best car is a 2017 Ford Escape.
For entertainment, my husband and I go on dates on Friday nights and take a family vacation about once a year. I can order brand-new homeschooling curriculum from Amazon, with Prime shipping, and buy all the painting supplies and home decor I want. That’s what I call success.
The comment window for this post has expired, but if you are on a coming home journey and need some encouragement, you can email me at [email protected]. I’d love to hear from you!
Kristie
Christmas 2017
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Christmas 2023
I thought this was a great post! Thanks for sharing :). It is always encouraging to remember what the Lord has done!
I am so glad that we had each other! I would recommend finding a like-minded friend to any new stay-at-home mom.❤️
I love that your co-worker said that God provides a way where there is no way. (And that you believed her!) He always does. It may not match our “vision,” but it’s always a blessing, and even more so to simply see what He has done for you. What a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing at #heartandsoullinkup
I do have a heart for the one-income Family, and the hard Journey they take to go from 2 to 1 incomes.
Such great points! I often have people say to me that they wish they could be a one income family, as if we are just lucky that it works. While we have had some years that were comfortable financially, we’ve had more years that we were getting by with one old car, and not buying anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary! Love the way you figured it out and made it work! #heartandsoullinkup
Thanks! I just read a great book recommended by another blogger. It’s called Living On His Income, by Mrs. Sharon White. She has a blog too. Her blog was mentioned on another blog post I was reading. It’s a shame we have to search so hard to find stuff for us one-income families.
I absolutely love your testimony. What resonates is that when we are called to live out God’s purpose in our lives, there will be times of discomfort – in your story lacking in material goods. But I’ve learned like you, that if I keep focused on Him, I can get through and I can thrive. I really love your story.
Stopping by from a linkup.
I just went and read your post about unrealistic expectations. I will be married 30 years in June, and have suffered through expecting date nights, spiritual leadership, praying together, and etc. If only every young bride could read your post and realize that HE is enough, and that man will only disappoint us, if we put all our hopes in human relationships.
I home schooled my daughter and had connections with other families who did too. We took lots of field trips together. My daughter is now 28 years old and married. Things were rough for us when we first started out too. Just like you we relied totally on God’s help. He promises to provide for our daily needs if we seek first the Kingdom and his righteousness. We have never gone without the necessities.
#heartandsoullinkup
It’s funny how we suffered then, when everyone else had so much more money and stuff. But now those moms are still working to maintain that “stuff,” and have no extra time to embellish their homes, or enjoy the fruits of their labor. My husband has worked really hard to give me this lifestyle. I’m praying that he will have a long and prosperous retirement. He deserves it.
I love this post! It is a struggle learning to live on one income, but like you said, leaning on God’s wisdom helps us find our way to do it.
Thanks Janine, I’m looking forward to reading the free chapters you gave me! What a great way to welcome subscribers.
I just happened upon your blog because I was looking up vintage bean pots! 🙂 I am a a Christian and we made the decision that I would stay home when our first was born and if I was able to go back and make a different choice-I would make the same decision. We were tight but it was worth those lean years. We lived within our means, we purchased a modest home within our budget, eating out was rare and family vacations were not big. Our two did not miss out on fun family times-you use local library passes, you camp-children just need time spent with them-not fancy vacations. We took a first big vacation when they were in high school and it was a splurge but we didn’t go into debt to do it. God provided over and over and He is still providing for our family now that ours are in college. We give back to Him through our tithes and offering and at times when we’ve thought of not giving it -we’ve chosen to trust and He always came through. We added on to our modest home while we saw others who just have to have the big house with all the new furnishings then struggle or have to work more just to have it. God provided for us to pay our home off earlier and we give him the glory for that. We still live within our means, I’m a bargain hunter to this day. There are times I have been treated less than because I made the choice to leave a career but I remind myself of what I received and what my children received of me being home with them. It’s not always the easy choice and not everyone can make that choice and that’s ok too. If I look at the numbers back then-I am amazed that we did it but not really: But God!
Your story is so similar to ours. I truly have no regrets about coming home. My youngest child is 13 and the oldest is 27 and I am still at home. Thank you so much for connecting with me on the Love My Little Cottage Blog. You are the reason why I write.