A Woman’s Right to Come Home
Women have spent decades fighting for the same privileges men have always enjoyed. Females were still fighting for the right to vote a century ago. Mrs. Banks was distracted from caring for her family by her role as a suffragette in Disney’s original Mary Poppins movie. Mr. Banks was neglecting his children because he was overly concerned with his job. Those were the days! The tone of that old Disney movie clearly frowned upon mothers neglecting the children in the home to pursue things outside the home. Today’s culture frowns upon a woman if she chooses to take more than 6 weeks off work to care for her infant, and does not recognize a woman’s right to come home.
Grandma is not Permitted to Retire
Lately It’s been brought to my attention that all women desiring to come home are fighting for that right- not just women like me who’ve been birthin’ babies and homeschooling for several decades. I read a post today by a 57 year-old-woman who recently lost her very stressful job. She and her husband had been living frugally for decades. Her transition to the home was not financially straining, yet she struggled with the fear that people would think she was lazy or unmotivated if she chose to retire early. Yes, today’s mindset calls even married grandmothers to work, even when it’s financially unnecessary.
There were many, many comments on this post. Another woman had been berated by family and friends because she left a stressful managerial job to work in a position that was less demanding.
Other comments on the post suggested that the author needed to at least work part-time, or devote a large portion of her time volunteering. The author commented that she might consider volunteering-but not just yet. You can read her original post here.
God Gives Women Permission to be Home
Why are women made to feel so guilty if they choose to be home? As a culture, we’ve forgotten what the Bible says in Titus 2:4-5
Titus 2:4-5 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
Also, if you examine the life of the Proverbs 31 woman (read Proverbs 31:10-31 here), all of her work was done around the sphere of her home. She made cloth on a spinning wheel (in her home), then sold her products to merchants (think ETSY). This woman bought land with her profits, and planted a vineyard (also around her home). She had time to gather food from afar and make clothes of scarlet to keep her family warm in the winter. The Proverbs 31 woman also reached out to help the poor. The tired, overworked women of today can do little more than grab some food from McDonalds and place a pick-up grocery store order at Sams Club or Walmart. I know because I’ve been there.
My Life As A Working Woman
I was a woman who had to work. I was raised to “stand on my own two feet,” because of my mother’s demise after my parent’s divorce. I earned my Early Childhood degree, and made a little bit more money than my husband. Our budget was totally dependent on my income, making it very difficult for me to come home. I’ve talked to many women who were brought up the same way. Women vowed to be different after seeing their mothers fall apart when widowed or divorced. They chose to be educated and entrenched in the work force in case of disaster. If I hadn’t become a Christian, I would never given myself permission to come home. You can read about my journey to becoming a stay-at-home-mom here.
Don’t Expect the Culture to Approve
My journey home was filled with persecution and disapproval. Currently homeschooling the youngest two of our five children, I’ve been home for 22 years at this point in my life. You would think that people would have left us alone by now. Just last week a relative attacked me about our lifestyle. Another person in my life drops frequent comments about women that like to “lay around on their backsides (only that isn’t the exact word used).” I won’t even go into the effort it takes to birth, breastfeed, homeschool, and maintain a home (our oldest daughter doesn’t live at home anymore.) where 2 adults and 4 children live. Remember, if you are obeying the Lord, persecution WILL come.
Do Not Listen to the World
The world will tell you that your family will starve, or that your children will never go to college if you come home. That is simply not true. Today, our dual-income counterparts have just as much debt (if not more) as our single-income friends. Our oldest child attended college for 2 years and acquired zero debt. Our son is currently in nursing school, and our third child will be going off to college in the fall. If you obey the Lord, your life may be harder in the short term, but HE will not let you be ashamed in the end.
Be A Worker At Home
Women aren’t called to be “consumers at home,” watching television all day and living the Life of Riley while their husbands provide everything. They are called to be workers at home. Younger women at home already have their hands full with cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing, but older homemakers like me are free to engage in some type of cottage industry, while continuing to maintain the home.
Our Cottage Industry
My girls and I have the privilege of being hired to clean my very good friend’s Airbnb. The house is right across the street. We clean it 6 or 7 times per month, on average. My 14 year-old puts clean sheets on the bed, and my younger daughter swiffers and dusts. I clean the bathrooms and sweep. I do not allow that pursuit to come before my primary duties of wife, homemaker, and mother, although I’m grateful for the opportunity. Also, I have to be wary not to let blogging overtake the job given to me by the Lord.
If You Are A Working Woman Who Wants to Be Home
Do Not Be Ashamed
Do not be ashamed of the desire to come home. God’s word is written on the hearts of all men, whether they acknowledge it or not. Begin preparing for the transition if your husband is in agreement. Read how God took care of Hagar, and her son Ishmael, here, if you are a single mother, or a working woman who cannot come home right now. She was a woman who became a single mother through no choice of her own, and was ultimately banished from her secure home.
Avoid Unnecessary Purchases
I wish I could go back and tell my old self how unnecessary purchases hinder one’s ability to come home comfortably. My brain would think, wow, this isn’t so bad, and I would buy things we didn’t need with the money I was earning. My daughter would get sick, or I would be asked to attend yet another evening PTO Meeting, and the lamenting of my heart regarding spending on unneeded items would begin again. This unhealthy cycle hindered my ability to come home.
Plan for Health Insurance
I transitioned to a part-time job before I came home. Financially prepared families do not have to worry about part- time transitioning. It gave me the opportunity to switch my daughter and I to my husband’s health insurance plan, which cost us several hundred dollars more per month than we were paying when I worked full time.
Downsize Before You Come Home
We totally failed in this area. Our tight budget included a car payment, and a land payment on an empty lot that we should have gotten rid of beforehand. We tried to have our cake and eat it too- don’t do that. Get rid of non-vital items, especially if they include a monthly payment or extra insurance (boats, extra cars, campers, unimproved land).
Prepare Your Heart
Prepare your heart and mind to come home. Pray like crazy and live in HIS word. I would not have made it without the assurance that being a worker at home was God’s will for women. Luckily, I was surrounded by like-minded women who helped me rise above the disapproving voices of workmates and family members.
Blessings,
Kristie
Linking up here
Come back and link up to the NEW Little Cottage Link Party, beginning at 9:00 am EST on Monday, May 13th!
If you liked this post, subscribe to Love My Little Cottage here, and receive every post in your email.
Read A Homemaker’s Day and Christian Families Aren’t Supposed to be Perfect
Debbie-Dabble says
I truly enjoyed reading this post about your journey to come home and the comments and misconceptions that you faced in doing so…..My story is the opposite of yours as I have worked and been the major bread winner for our family while raising 2 sons. Being a professional nurse, I was able to make twice the amount of money that my husband did and I was also able to provide much better health care for my family and at a much cheaper rate. I encountered the opposite reaction from people, mostly women, as to why I chose to work and not take the” full responsibility of raising my children.” I did both because I worked night shift so I could still spend as much time with my sons as I could and be able to attend everything that they were involved in. As I chose to retire early at 62 years old, I was faced with questions like “What are you going to do at home?” by many of my co workers. I was asked “Won’t you be bored?” I used to respond by saying “Apparently, you do not know me”. Sadly, women just simply can not support other women in whatever path they chose whether it is to stay home or work…..It should be each individual woman’s choice and she should not be persecuted for whatever choice she makes…
Great post!!
Hugs,
Deb
Kristie Schubert says
I’m glad that you’re home now! My husband says that people attack my choice to be at home because they can’t attack anything else. I just don’t understand why someone would begrudge you, Debbie, a few years at home when you’ve worked so hard for so long. I’m finding that to be a common theme in the blogs I’ve been reading. Even women over 55 are told they can never come home.
Debbie-Dabble says
I also want to add that the steps you posted to prepare to come home are also the same steps one needs to take when thinking about early retirement….
Hugs,
Deb
Kristie Schubert says
Thanks, Debbie. We will have to go through all those steps again when my husband retires.
Melissa says
Great article! Saw your link on Lou Lou Girls Fabulous Party.
I got to experience a bit of both worlds – staying home with my kids when they were young, then divorced, went back to school and then onto work. Just retired a few years ago to homestead. I don’t miss all that drama at work with other women. And it has been a financial adjustment. I enjoy being at home, traveling to see my kids and grandkids (military) and not having to answer to anyone, and yes, I stay busy – all.the.time! lol
Melissa
Kristie Schubert says
I’m so glad that you’re home now, and that you’re writing about being frugal. I’m going to pop into your blog and check it out!
Catherine Sokolowski says
You are so right about being judged negatively by others when your decision is to stay at home with your kids and it does happen again when you want to retire. I wish we could all just support each other in whatever decisions we make for ourselves and families.
Kristie Schubert says
That’s true, Catherine. I don’t want to discourage women who choose to live differently. I do want to encourage single-income families, homemakers of all ages and situations, and all people that want to flourish in small spaces. ?
Teresa says
I totally agree with you. I work full time out of the house, but I would be a stay at home mom in a blink if my husband’s salary covered all our expenses. My kids are older now, but when they were babies it was very difficult to manage time because my boss rarely wanted to allow me to take time off to take them to the doctor, etc. I once had a terrible discussion with him on the phone when I called in to say my son had a fever and I had to stay home that day. Even though the law allowed me to take the day off, he forced me to go to work half a day, my husband had to rush home to stay with our son. I still cringe when I think of those days…
Anyway, thank you for sharing this at The Really Crafty Link Party. Everyone should be aware of his/her rights and everyone is entitled to choose freely.
Kristie Schubert says
Working from home is nice. I do clean an airbnb a few times per week with my girls. I probably couldn’t have done so when the kids were small. Right now, my youngest is 10 years old, and the house we clean is right across the street, so it works for us.
Michele Michael says
Hi Kristie
This was a great share. I speak for myself in believing that my business is my business and yet society and family believe they know what is better for me. I have encountered much about doing my own thing and moving from NY and opening an arts and crafts studio and blogging. It feels the same as I read along with you. Great ideas for prepping to be home.
Kristie Schubert says
You guys were prepared, as far as having extra ways to earn income. That was smart. It’s also nice that you can choose studio hours that best fit the needs of your family. You could always get someone else to teach classes, or suspend classes, if an adult child or older relative were in need. The flexibility is nice, and really smart on your part.
Josee Turner says
All I can say is this, AMEN!
Kristie Schubert says
Thanks, Josee!
Leanne | www.crestingthehill.com.au says
Hi Kristie – that was my post that you were referring to about grandmothers being allowed to stay home. You’re so right that we are judged by everyone – I know that people think I should be working for another 10 years to put more money into the retirement pot. What I’ve come to see is that we need to find our value in God and in our value in his eyes – not base our worth on a dollar amount. It’s been hard to let go of the idea that I need to contribute financially because it was my role for so many years. The sheer peace and contentment that I find being home just “being” instead of rushing around “doing” is beyond anything I would ever have imagined.
We need to celebrate the fact that we’ve been frugal and careful and have made choices that allow us to step off the hamster wheel of being in the paid workforce – too many women are caught up in the need to have more stuff – less is definitely more when it comes to quality – minimalism and the simple life is finally catching on with that.
I’ve left a link here to my blog post if you want to put it into your post so that others can read more. xx
https://www.crestingthehill.com.au/2019/05/stopping-work-in-you-50s.html
Kristie Schubert says
Leanne, I am so excited that you saw this post and sent me a link to yours. Your post really resonated with me because I didn’t realize that women were persecuted for retiring early. I thought us stay-at-home-moms were the only ones being crucified! I will add the link as soon as I get home tonight. I also want to subscribe to your blog! Thanks for popping in, and I’m so glad you’re home now.
Leanne | www.crestingthehill.com.au says
Hi Kristie – I think there are always going to be people who think they know better than us – my husband had never been someone who enjoyed the 9-5 grind of working for someone else and he’s been judged for that all his life (by me too on occasion I’m afraid to admit!) I think we just need to have a belief in ourselves that we’re doing what’s best for our family and just get on with it despite the nay-sayers. I might add that my DIL is a stay at home mum and I am beyond grateful that my grandgirls are getting raised by a loving mother and not a daycare centre.
PS – Nice to connect xx
kristie says
Thanks, Leanne. I’ll be joining your midlife blog party tomorrow.
Leanne | www.crestingthehill.com.au says
Hi Kristie! Yay you joined us! Welcome to #MLSTL and I’ve shared your post on my SM 🙂
Thanks for adding my link into your post – it’s always nice to “share the love” .
Julie says
This is such an interesting read. I worked part time for a while with our kids (their Auntie was out babysitter) and then when the youngest was born I stayed home for a few years until he started school. Then I went back to work part time.
I never worried too much what other people said about our choices, my husband and I have always done what’s best for our family. The most important thing is choice for mums and dads to do what is right for them and their family, no one else opinion matters in my opinion.
In recent years I have left my paid job and now work for myself with my small craft business. It’s amazing how many people think I just sit about sewing and watching daytime tv and have something to say about that!! It’s wonderfully flexible which is great now my father is ill and needing lots of support.
I’m rambling! I just wanted to add how, for me, there is no right or wrong way. Choice, real actual choice is the key. (plus looking after kids is THE hardest thing ever, by a mile!!)
Kristie Schubert says
There are three women in my life who have continually badgered me about being home. Two of them hint about how lazy it is, by referring to someone else other than me who stays at home or works part time. The other one tells me that she is soooo proud of her daughter-not because of her love for Jesus, motherhood, ability to cook, or housekeeping, etc.- because she works hard at her full time job. I just remind myself of Titus 2:5, and that women are called to be workers at home.
Janine at ThriveOnOneIncome.com says
Great post! I loved everything you said, and also enjoyed reading the comments. I haven’t had much flack about coming home. In fact, it’s mainly been the opposite. Older women told me I was making the right choice and would never regret it. Former co-workers and women I’d meet at children’s events would ask me how I did it. I love sharing my story if overcoming the obstacles and fear of not making ends meet in person and on my blog. Love your story!
Kristie Schubert says
I adore your blog! On that note, how can I get your book? I had the first 5 chapters for subscribing, but then I think I accidentally deleted them from my email. We should collaborate sometime. If you think of a way, let me know.
Erlene says
Interesting read. I experienced both worlds and I can say that I received the most negative reactions from deciding to be a SAHM. I’ve even had women make rude comments to me about my choice. The only one who really supported me was surprisingly my grandmother.
Kristie says
I think one of the problems with women who aren’t at home might be envy. I only say this because many of my detractors came home once they had the opportunity. I also think there are lots of men out there that don’t want to shoulder the task of providing alone. We’re in a mess, Erlene. Now that we’ve won the right to work as women, and receive equal pay, it’s hard for the men and women to give up that lifestyle. I just thank God that He called me home. ❤️